Friday, October 31, 2014


I briefly touched on the topic of Fear in a previous post so I will limit the current post to my academic and professional pursuits.

I literally had such a hard time writing this post. I went back and forth trying to figure out how to convey my thoughts and while this doesn't sum up everything it is a good start.

A few missteps in life and I became more and more detoured from my intended game plan, mind you a plan that I crafted as a 10yr old with dreams of being a doctor not know anything about life, living, growing and now my confidence was shaken and diminished.  I allowed fear to impact my performance in college, work, and professional settings. In high school I felt so powerful, so smart, so "gifted", so brilliant. Now I was a small fish in a big pond and I was drowning. When people would inquire about my college experience. The first thing I would say was "My high school didn't adequately prepare me for the larger, more diverse and robust educational arena." While this was true to an extent, what was more true was at that time I lacked the confidence, the attitude, and the will to say, "Hey this confidence that I walked in the door with is not misguided or false, I just need to dig a little deeper and pull that "Extra Something" that I know is within me and try harder, study longer and regain my power, my smarts, my gifts and the brilliance that is rightfully mine.  

I would overcome one fear and be confronted by the next fear. I didn't think I would graduate from college with the class I entered with. I had a child, worked too much and studied too little but guess what I did graduate. NEXT, Ok so I graduated so what but I bet I won't be able to finish my pre-med prereqs, they said ORGO and Physics are no joke, they said don't take Orgo in the summer, they said don't take Professor X. Just my luck :-/ I had no choice but take Orgo 1 during the summer with of course Professor X but guess what I passed both courses, with "A/A+" at that. NEXT... see the list goes on and on. Nothing I did was good enough, there was always the anticipation of something more challenging, an obstacle that I couldn't possibly overcome. But once I stop anticipating everything that could go wrong and tried to focus on everything that could go right, I definitely noticed a change in my attitude and my outlook on my potential for success improved as well. 

Failure, defeat, collapse, losing, whatever you want to call it, I have experienced it all, been there done that, tweeted it, wrote a poem about, the whole nine. But that doesn't mean that I am immune to feeling disappointed or sad. But what it does mean is that when I fall, I have learned to cushion my backside in advance. I have trained my reflexes to react faster. I have learned to take notes so the next time I fall, trust me it wont be in the same spot, on the same day or time.  Despite what many may think, falling is inevitable, its just a matter of how you fall, when you fall, and/or how far you fall. Because some falls are so minor you barely notice them while others are so significant they may leave a bruise. So I choose to place my energy else where, now the only thing I think about is challenging myself, accomplishing my goals, proving myself right (not wrong), and being a role model for my child. I cant give up and I have definitely wasted too much time giving in to fear, to waste another second. Time is valuable, so lets make the best of it because before we know it, times up. 

P.S This is such an amazing clip D.Ward has on her page, It literally gave me so much life! If you have not already viewed this video I highly recommend checking it out!

Monday, October 27, 2014

Fall Update & Halloween DIY

I have not had the opportunity to add any news blogs lately because I have been computerless (Yikes I know right) but now that has all changed!

So basically heres a kind of not so brief update: I have been working diligently to complete my business plan, Articles of Incorporation, and other supporting documents for Non-profit and I hope to submit my AOI to my secretary of states office today (I am super excited). I am still shadowing a local OB/GYN and attending OB/GYN grand rounds. As far working goes, my fellowship officially ended Sept 30 but technically ended 2nd week of Oct because I participated in a Roundtable webinar as a panelist. Outside of that I work independently doing contract work. But for the most part I am a full time mother, which consume majority of my evenings, weekends and life LOL and working on my non-profit consumes that remainder of my day, the pay is Zero, but the personal rewards I am receiving are far more valuable
Writing, Helping others (through medicine, education, mentorship) Cooking and "hobbies" that keep me motivated and allow me to express my self. Writing- is my outlet, my so called "creative corner" and an area of reflection. Helping others- keeps me at peace, I am not a millionaire or even an expert in every matter under the sun, but I have life experience, words of encourage to offer, and personal faith to offer. Cooking- I am from the south and love good southern meals (well i love food in general :-) and I enjoy cooking for other people, providing them with nourishment, comfort and a good meal too! Now I need to find one that makes me some money!

As you can see the nuts did not want to cooperate, initially. So once the apples has sat for a while I took a spoon and moved the nuts in place and added more nuts to some of the apples. 
This weekend I decided that we would have a day of fun. Saturday consisted of a movie matinee, we saw the "Book of Life" and I actually thoroughly enjoyed it lol and then we went home and made (semi) homemade caramel apples dipped in nuts and made a jack-o-lantern. Check out Pursuits of Happiness for the the caramel apple recipe we used. They were sooo delicious!

I dropped my laptop last summer(July 2013) more than a month before my Aug 2013 MCAT test (the absolute worst feeling ever). To repair the computer would have been just like purchasing a new laptop and I was not financially able to make that move. So I had pretty much been without a computer until this June when I had the pleasure of using a company own laptop for the fellowship position, well I shipped that boy back earlier this month upon completion of my role.  And initially I had planned to wait a while before I purchased a computer but then I thought about all of the things I needed to do that required the internet, word processing etc. While the library was an option I tend to work into the wee hours of the night and computer availability is not guaranteed. I purchased a Desktop computer last week. I chose a Desktop versus a laptop because it is more family friendly, cost efficient  and because I will be in medical school in the coming summer/fall and my school will either provide me with a laptop or I can allocate funds from my loans and purchase one! I learning to speak everything into existence, there is nothing that I want or need that God hasn't already set aside for me. All I have to do is remain faithful and claim what is already mine! Here's a challenge for you- eliminate estimation, guesstimation {yea I know its not a real word but that's why I love creative writing} and if statements from your vocabulary, use AFFIRMATION STATEMENTS instead.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

What is your deepest fear?

Part I

Marianne Williamson, said a mouthful right! I will discuss fears and confidence in greater detail in a later post!  
But here's a taste of how I feel, fear plays whatever role we allow them to in our lives. There are things that we can control, work towards, improve on and change and then there are things we have absolutely no control over. And we have to consciously decide if we will work towards happiness, success and accomplishment or Loose sleep, hair, weight and God knows what else, in a world where we are just a small fraction of a larger puzzle, in which many of its pieces we may never see, touch, hear or feel. This is a battle that I face daily and this morning I choose prayer, I have so many things and people to be thankful for and I want to focus on positive energy and real moments. 

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Take a Deep Breath

I have been running non-stop for months. From studying 6-7 days a week for the MCAT, primary/secondary applications to working 40+ hours weekly, then play dates, the park, guppy swim lessons, and limited sleep. And I honestly did not know the toil it had taken on my body until today.

I literally completed my Fellowship on Tuesday and was on to another opportunity on Wednesday. Today after spending a day at an OB/GYN Clinic, seeing patients, participating in discussion and listening to presentations, I could barely keep my eyes open as I drove home. Then I was greeted by a very energetic kid and my exhaustion was an after thought and I remembered who I was and what my life consisted of, that yesterday, today and even tomorrow, will probably be considered calm days in the grand scheme of things, compared to what my future will hold. Then I took deep breath in and thought about the budding couple I met expecting their very own Thanksgiving surprise. And, after discussing school lunch, math, reading and my day downtown, my little one reminded me that I always have a "test patient" at home who doesn't mind a cold stethoscope. And then I took a deep breath out.

Have you every looked up and been amazed at how much time has gone by, whether you were consumed in excitement or with the daily going abouts of life?? That's sort of how I feel, it will be 2015 before we know it and I feel like just last week I was waiting for the snow storm to pass. So tonight I plan to indulge in whatever fantasy my mind can concoct and have long sweet dreams. And tomorrow I will get up and do it all again, reminding myself throughout the day to just take a deep breath and take it all in as comes.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

To beautiful Beginnings

I am feeling very productive today. My Fellowship ended yesterday and today I am back on my grind, volunteering at my childs' school, shadowing, new job search, finalizing my secondary applications and rejoicing in all that is today, tomorrow and the future! LETS BE GREAT!